#1: Mark Eichhorn

This is the face of a man who is taking a shit somewhere that he should not be taking a shit. And he knows it.

#8: Andy McGaffigan

"Hey! Hey, wait just a darn minute here!"

"Easy, Mr. McGaffigan, now what seems to be the problem?"

"That guy was out! Out by a mile!"

"Mr. McGaffigan, this is a post office. And it's 2009. And you've been drinking."

#11: Jack Morris

The Jack Morris species is characterized by having baleen plates, rather than teeth, for filtering food from water. The baleen, located in the upper jaw, are flat, flexible plates with frayed edges, having the appearance of combs of thick hair. Baleen is not bone, but is composed of keratin, the same substance as hair, horn, claws, and nails. From the 11th to the late 20th centuries, Jack Morris was hunted commercially for both his oil and baleen. The oil was used to make margarine and cooking oils, whilst the baleen was used to stiffen corsets, as parasol ribs, and to crease paper.

#12: George Bell

"You want me to play where? Toronto? I don't know what that is, but they better have coke."

#13: Juan Berenguer

Led the league in enchiritos consumed from 1987-1991.

#14: Todd Burns

"God, I really do not feel like going through these numbers today."

"Just give it to Burns in accounting, he'll do it."

"Who?"

"You know, Todd Burns in accounting. He has that cube by the bathroom on the 3rd floor."

"Oh right. Todd Burns. I think I had sex with his wife at the Christmas party last year."

"Huh. I thought he was gay."

#19: Carney Lansford

"Sure mister, you could try n' make it all the way up to Ellijay, but the distributor cap on your second right spark plug is all cracked n' this is the last fillin' station for 'bout 45 miles. 'Course, I can fix 'er up for you now, but it'll cost ya."

#22: Eddie Whitson

A classic angry pitching face.

Also his fucking face.

#25: Steve Balboni

Led the American League three years straight in looking exactly like his name sounds.

#27: Jeff Robinson

Looks way cooler throwing a baseball than he does smiling awkwardly up and to the right of the camera.